From my vantage point...

I feel that I have a unique view of marriage. Because it is something that I want I'm always watching other people's marriages. In many ways I'm still the early 20ish girl with all my hopes and dreams ahead of me at the same time I'm watching my friends encroach on 20 years of marriage. I've watched many successful marriages and I've watched marriages struggle and I'm watching marriages that seems from the exterior is rocks solid absolutely crumble. I've asked myself why, why do some people succeed why do some people's marriages absolutely fall apart.

1) Marriage is a FOREVER relationship. I have this beef with couples that when things get tough their immediate response is to consider leaving. Many times this is simply a knee jerk reaction and not ever really the intention of their heart but once the words or even simply the thought enters the mind it has already planted the seed.

2) I've come to realize that marriage takes work, prayer, dedication, commitment, tears, honesty, trust, faith. But I've also seen that it is absolutely worth it to put every effort into making a successful marriage. I used to have these fairy tales of the happily-ever-after type of marriage and yes, I still believe that, but I've also come to realize but marriage isn't always happy. That's not to say that marriage is unhappy, it's that the dream of happily-ever-after begins to look a little different at times. Happiness is based on a feeling or on circumstances and I've come to realize that a successful marriage it is much more than the heading off into the sunset kind of happiness.

So what makes a "successful marriage"? I don't think I can pinpoint that exactly. I don't think it's simply crossing the line 25 years together, 50 years together... I don't think it is having 2.5 kids that look like the perfect blend between both of you... I don't think it has to do with how much money is in the bank or what kind of a house or a job you have. I think it has a lot more to do with knowing that you have someone in your corner, someone who is your supporter. Someone that you can be absolutely raw with, with someone that the challenges you, and is the only one that you want to go home to at night.

So, how do you make your marriage successful? (Again, this is coming directly from me who has only ever had the view from the outside looking in)... Prayer. This is pivotal, essential. And to be surrounded by people who are praying for you and your spouse. Don't run to outside sources to find your happiness, your contentment, or fight your battles. I remember saying to someone that I understand needing someone to vent to when things are tough, and I do. But what she said really sunk in..."I wouldn't want my husband talking to someone else about me, what makes it OK for me to talk about him to anyone else?".... Not that there won't be times that a third party won't give you sound guidance or direction, but don't make this the habit. When you're hurt, frustrated or confused by something your husband has said or done take it to him, not your friends, not your parents, not his friends, not his parents.

Celebrate your husband. If you want him in your corner, then he wants you in his. He wants to know you're supporting him even when things are tough.

You already have a major blessing in being surrounded by successful marriages....I dream of having a marriage like our grandparent's have had. Your parents, as well as mine, have done a good job at marriage. My siblings, your cousins, too....that's a lot to be thankful for. Successful marriage has been patterned for you all of your life. Lean on that, learn from them. Together, with Jason, ask questions, seek wise advice.

And last, but certainly, not least...make Jesus the Lord of your marriage. While He must be Lord of your life He also must be Lord over your relationship. Make glorifying Him in your marriage the top priority, the main goal. I've already stated how important prayer is and I'll say it again. Pray. Pray for your marriage. Pray for your husband, ask him to pray for you. Pray with your husband. Pray when things are that happily-ever-after you've dreamed of, pray when he's driving you absolutely crazy. And pray that God protects and preserves your marriage.

Praying,
Anje

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Today's shower challenge is to share some practical marriage advice. Share away :)